short story < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 17:40 Sa 21.03.2009 | | Autor: | David_hh |
Hallo liebe Forumfreunde,
unsere Aufgabe war uns eine Geschichte auszudenken und dazu habe ich diese Geschichte verfasst.
Ich bin die Geschichte nun mehrmals durchgegangen auf der Suche nach Fehlern und an dem Punkt angekommen, dass ich keine mehr finde, aber mein Englisch ist auch nciht ganz so gut.
Ich würde mich sehr freuen, wenn jmd paar Verbesserungsvorschläge hätte.
Vor allem bei dr Zeit bin ich mir unsicher.
It was a dark and stormy night in Maryland at Halloween. Peters Mother didnt permit him to go out, but he jumped out of the window and met his friend called John.
They adored Halloween and nothing could keep them from collecting candies. Peter and John were 14 years old, so that it could be their last All Hallows Eve on going from house to house. The avaricious house owners prefer young and cute children, who wear funny costumes like Little Stuart.
Therefore its a very special day for them and they went to a district, which was far away, but also very noble. Because of the miserable weather, they are the only children, who ask for candies hereabout. Peter had an unpleasant feeling, which he hid from John behind his mask of the intimidating ogre named Shrek. John was very excited and seemed to be unstressed. Therefore he suggested to start their tour at a outlying and the most horrible house in this area to provide Halloween atmosphere. John rings at the door, while Peters knees started to shake.
The door was opened very slowly and the squeal sent shivers down their spine. Before they could say: Trick or treat, a weird man pulled them in his house. Peter and John were shocked and petrified of the strong man. The man wore only a white bathrobe and grey bathing trunks.
John saw Peters fear through his mask, but they couldnt run away, because they werent able to come to a clear thought. But then the man said: Im sorry to terrify you, but Im so happy to get visited, so that I couldnt repress my feelings. I havent had a visitor for two years.
Peter and John felt so sorry for the old man, so that they stayed with him for a while and listened, what he had to say.
Later they get their treats and go home, where a lot of trouble was waiting for Peter.
Ich würde mich über jede Hilfe sehr freuen.
Thanks!!
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Hallo Davi_hh,
bezüglich deiner Unsicherheit mit der Zeit muss ich dir Recht geben.
Insbesondere den Abschnitt
"Therefore its a very special day for them and they went to a district, which was far away, but also very noble. Because of the miserable weather, they are the only children, who ask for candies hereabout. Peter had an unpleasant feeling, which he hid from John behind his mask of the intimidating ogre named Shrek. John was very excited and seemed to be unstressed. Therefore he suggested to start their tour at a outlying and the most horrible house in this area to provide Halloween atmosphere. John rings at the door, while Peters knees started to shake."
solltest du nochmal überprüfen, da du hier mehrfach ins present wechselst.
Die Kommasetzung im Englischen finde ich selbst auch schwer durchschaubar, vor "because" wird aber im Gegensatz zum Deutschen keins benötigt.
Ich hoffe, ich konnte dir einen kleinen Denkanstoß geben.
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