Mobile phones < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 14:17 Sa 06.09.2008 | | Autor: | chiqa |
| Aufgabe | | Comment this text. |
So, wir haben einen Text bekommen, wozu wir 250 Wörter schreiben sollen bzw. nen Kommentar abgeben sollen.
Würde gerne wissen, ob ich hier einiges besser schreiben könnte (dabei ist es unwichtig, worum es in dem text geht) und ob ich grammatisch alles richtig habe.
:)
Danke im Voraus.
It's really woeful that the crime because of mobile phones has been RISEN?(ist mehr geworden..also gestiegen - hab kein passendes wort.
But I have my doubts about the ideas of the government. I am convinced that, the thiefs would also steal the mobile phones with or without this PIn code. They also can put their card in this cellphones or they can make money with them. For instance with selling them illegal. I disagree with the fact that parents give their children mobiles for security reasons. As far as I know is that children manipulate their parents to buy them cellphones because of the fact, that they see the mobiles on their friends or want to brag. So parents don't know an other solution and buy the mobiles. Children know the real way to annoy and paralyse their parents. It's right that parents are worried but not because of the safety, rather because of hurting the psyche of their children.
I never heard it before, that you are nobody if you don't posses a cellphone. This shows the naivety of our society.
Parents are unsure and they aren't forceful enough.
If you think carefully about the text, you will become of the fact that our society only think about mobiles, stealing them and they do everything to get those things without thinking of the good things in our life. I really have compassion on them.
It isn't always their fault, but who cares about it?
But I would like to know how old the text is. I'm not sure, but I question the truth of these statements.
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Folgende Änderungen schlage ich dir vor:
In my opinion, it's really woeful that the crime because of mobile phones is increasing.
(Ich würde den Satz nicht im Past schreiben, weil dies ein Prozess ist, der voraussichtlich so weitergeht...)
I am convinced that (hier kein Komma) the thiefs would steal the mobile phones anyway - with or without the PIN code.
They can just put their own card in this cellphones or they can make money with them. For instance they can sell them illegaly. (illegaly bezieht sich auf sell darum Adverb)
As far as I am concerned, children manipulate their parents to buy them cellphones because of the fact that they see the mobiles of their friends or they want to brag.
Because of this reason, parents don't know an other solution but to buy a mobile for their child.
Children know the real way to annoy and paralyse their parents. (Was meinst du hier genau mit paralyse?? ich würde da eher affect nehmen)
It's right that parents are worried but not because of the safety, rather because of hurting the psyche of their children. (Hier verstehe ich nichz auf was du hinaus willst...)
I have never heard that you are nobody if you don't posses a cellphone.
If you think carefully about the text, you will become aware of the fact that our society only thinks about mobiles, stealing them and they do everything to get those things without thinking of the good things in our life.(Was willst du hier sagen??)
I wonder how old the text is.
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