Korrektur Klausurtext. < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 11:28 Sa 10.01.2009 | | Autor: | silfide |
| Aufgabe |
Section B Creative Writing
Choose one of the following tasks and write about 5-6 sentences (No more than 100 words)!
You are a journalist working for a sensational (yellow press) local newspaper. Write a short passage about the way the house looked after the crime.
Den dazugehörigen Text findet ihr hier ![[]](/images/popup.gif) text
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I have seen the house in Marlborough Road on August 2. After a three-day-party,organised by the 16-year-old son, a lot of gatecrashers stole 500 pieces of jewellery. Three window panes was brooken and a lot of indefinable liquides sticked a big part from the floor. Pieces of the furniture were damaged by the thieves and the kitchen cupboard stood in the garden. In general offer the house a image of destruction.
Über ein Drüberlesen und korrekieren wäre ich sehr dankbar.
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Hallo silfide,
das liest sich noch nicht sensationsgeil genug für "yellow press". Ich korrigiere erst einmal Deinen Text:
> I have seen the house in Marlborough Road on August 2.
Korrekter Satz, aber man würde die Zeit vermeiden. "have seen" heißt ja, dass Du das Haus eben gerade gesehen hast. August 2 klingt aber nach Zeitangabe in der Vergangenheit. Der Satz ist inkonsistent.
> After a three-day-party,organised by the 16-year-old son,
keine Kommas nötig! "After": war die Party denn schon vorbei, als die kamen?
> a lot of gatecrashers stole 500 pieces of jewellery.
Klingt komisch. Dieses "a lot" für "eine Gruppe" ist im Satzzusammenhang erst zu spät als solches zu identifizieren. Es klingt zu sehr nach "a lot" für "viele".
> Three window panes was brooken
were broken
> and a lot of indefinable liquides
> sticked a big part from the floor.
Nein, das ist kein Englisch. Besser: and a big part of the floor was sticking with indefinable liquids.
> Pieces of the furniture
> were damaged by the thieves
Wie im Deutschen unterscheidet man zwischen Diebstahl und Raub, theft and robbery. In diesem Fall handelt es sich eindeutig um Raub!
> and the kitchen cupboard stood
> in the garden.
Oh, welcher Aufwand. Warum steht er da?
> In general offer the house a image of
> destruction.
In general, the house gives/presents an image of destruction.
"offer" klingt eigenartig.
> Über ein Drüberlesen und korrigieren wäre ich sehr dankbar.
Auch deutsch?
Hier ein Gegenvorschlag:
You would think of a late night bombing. Pieces of glass everywhere, the floor sticking with undefinable liquids, window panes broken. The furniture seems upside down, and some made its way out on the lawn. But that's just the remains of a party gone wrong. A 16-year-old boy from Marlborough road had been celebrating with friends for three days with his parents on leave. In the end, fierce criminals entered the scene, threatened the guests and stole 500 pieces of jewelry. The son may have survived the robbery but will have trouble with his raging parents.
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